Congratulations! You've Been Granted Denial

Spring is in the air and the academic year is coming to a close for many which means the Postal Service is carrying around thousands of letters which will determine the future of college applicants. I've been sitting on this one for a few days since A/H1N1 has provided plenty of blog fodder, but I found it amusing and wanted to share.

The rejection lines from selected schools are pretty hilarious if you read between the lines and do some loose translating.

Bates College: The deans were obliged to select from among candidates who clearly could do sound work at Bates. - Sorry kid, you'd flounder and make our program look bad.

Harvard: Past experience suggests that the particular college a student attends is far less important than what the student does to develop his or her strengths and talents over the next four years. - Dude, we don't even have an underwater basket weaving program, why don't you apply to Bates.

Boston University: We give special attention to applicants whose families have a tradition of study at Boston University. We have extended this consideration in the evaluation of your application, but I regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission. - After doing some digging we confirmed that your greatest virtue is that you are your parent's child, but all the money in the world won't get you in here.

When it comes down to it, anybody applying for anything should be prepared for the possibility that they will not be a successful applicant. The sooner aspiring adults come to learn this, the better. I'm not suggesting that academic institutions send the letter version of laughing in an applicant's face (although hearing about a singular "LOL" on letterhead would tickle me given my distaste for the kids and their texting), but they are the next step to "the real world" so might as well tell it like it is. I personally didn't have to go through the confusing and emotional process of being rejected by the academic institution of my choice. The rest of life provides plenty of opportunity for rejection and failure . . . as well as successes.