Barbershop

This isn't the first time haircuts have hit these pages. I have lamented the lack of real barbershops in this part of the world. Call me old fashioned, but stylists for dudes is a trend that is out of town. My hair is not an aspect of my appearance that I really feel like spending much time on to make it look perfectly messy or whatever. In the quest for a respectable haircut, I've been through a couple barbershops in town that have closed or changed ownership. I have also been to some places that were a little more "fussy" but really weren't anything beyond SuperGreatClipsCuts with a metro kick.

Enter Plaza Barbers . . . I knew I had passed this place a number of times on my shopping adventures in University Hills Plaza Shopping Center (home of the giant mountain of plowed snow in the winter). It is discretely tucked in behind some long ignored storefronts on the north end of the shopping center. There is a barber's pole spinning away which is what caught my eye in the first place, but otherwise, you might never know it was there. They don't have a website, they don't advertise, they do have senior day on Tuesday and Wednesday, and they do use a straight razor to shave the back of your neck.

I have my own checklist for what qualifies as a real barbershop, feel free to add on as you see fit:

• barbers are older and have cut hair more than once
• programming of choice on the TV (20" or below and cheap) is either hunting shows or westerns or ball games when available
• magazine selection is manly, but has the token Ladies Home Journal for the stray wife that wanders in
• the only furniture of consequence are the barber chairs, if money was spent anywhere else, you are paying too much for your haircut
• a haircut does not cost more than $13
• there is a wall display that is at least 30 years old of pocket combs for purchase
• the cash register is old, low tech, and should not really work
• there are no blow dryers, just blowers or maybe a vacuum attachment for getting stray clippings off your neck, face, ears, etc.

Supposedly there are four barbers at the shop. I do not believe that two of them exist. I have never seen Ray, the owner. I have only heard the other two talk about him, saying "oh, he'll be right back" or "he's usually back just before lunch so he can leave again". Nor have I ever heard anybody mention or ask for Jim. So far as I can tell, it is just Steve and Pete. Pete answers the phone as part what has to be a comedy routine. I kid you not, somebody called looking for the office manager. He ran out to the parking lot, asked if anybody was an office manager, came back to the phone and said, "Nope, we don't got one here."

Some poor schlub walked into the inner sanctum of the barbershop wearing a hat that said, "Ignorant in the ways". Said feller asked how long the wait was. The response was a quick glance and "there are four people ahead of you." "Can I come back?" inquired Mr. Schlub. Insert glib reply here, followed by mass ridiculing once the guy was out of earshot, primary target of mocking was the dude's long hair. "Ha, 'I need a haircut' . . . maybe he was talking about his beard," quipped Pete.

I paid my $11 for a cut and some entertainment, kept my mouth shut and stayed out of harms way. There was talk of politics, sports, the occasional bit of home garden harvest news, and a lot of joking around. This is why I seek out a real barber for my hair cutting needs. Usually the cut is respectable, but in the end, the difference between a good haircut and a bad one is about three to five days. It is all about the experience.